Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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