Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
