In the future we'll all be gay
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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