I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
