To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
