I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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