the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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