The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
