you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
