At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
