make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
