Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
