I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize