She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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