Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
