Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
