Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
