is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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