Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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