I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
we're so committed to being not committed
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
