Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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