Swine flu. Run for my life!
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
