woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
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Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
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She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
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