if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
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I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
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That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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