today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
