We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
