Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
