Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
