when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
