It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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