Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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