Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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