i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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