Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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