after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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