Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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