i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Randomize
