you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
So much rum. So many feels.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
