Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
