She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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