Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
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she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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