$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
