who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
