Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
