Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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