OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
