just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
