FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
