HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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