Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
