made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Text me some of your sweat
Dear god my vagina.
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