Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
