The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
