you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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