the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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