I hope mine doesn't look like that
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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