Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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