I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
