I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
